i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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