New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
