well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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