i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
