Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
