I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
