I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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