ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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