that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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