Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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