Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
