If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
