just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
