We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
