fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
