Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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