I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
