Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
