So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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