Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
