smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
