FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
