it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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