you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
