i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
