I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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