is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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