I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
be right there i have to get my cape
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
