i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
