so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
