Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
