I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
