So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
