next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
