You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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