i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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