Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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