you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
