when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
do nipples grow back?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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