Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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