Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
