she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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