Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
tell me about the fingering
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
