I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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