sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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