Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
