i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
