The maid of honor just puked.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
