Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
