You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
