God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
