dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
