this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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