Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
