Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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