SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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