just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
