hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
